I'm jealous of your bromance
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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