I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
