i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
