nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
