People in love make me want to vomit
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
