I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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