i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
