Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
