Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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