Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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