just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
