It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just cropdusted the office
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
