The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
