last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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