i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
