oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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