omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
