Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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