he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
