so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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