the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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