They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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