Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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