but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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