I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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