They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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