okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish you could order shots online.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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