My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
