I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
