remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
time to smoke my breakfast
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
