My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
