I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
