Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
