4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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