have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize