What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so let's talk penis.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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