So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
