fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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