His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can't turn off my feet"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have fence marks all over my body
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
