Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
