he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
