tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
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no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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