I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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