If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize