She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
