if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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