she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
