she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Congratulations! We have a period
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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