I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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