One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
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I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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