Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You don't make any sense
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