Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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