Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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