I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
