Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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