Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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