he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
