The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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