I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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