Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
