I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
