If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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