We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
