This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
